When I first tried to sit and write this post a few months ago, it was for me. I was reflecting on just having turned 21 and all of the failed -ships I’ve had thus far. But I couldn’t write it. It wouldn’t piece together well enough because I wasn’t whole.
But this time….this time, as I’m writing this, I am whole. I am full, and it’s not only for me. It’s for all women. All of my sisterfriends, cousins, bloggersisters, social media sisses. It’s for y’all. I hope it helps.
A few months into year 21, I was reflecting on how I had always tried to give 100% to past friendships, relationships and even the freaking situationships….and would always come out with nothing.
I thought about the boys that have gallivanted through my existence and have gotten to experience me…..but left.
I thought about the friends that have gathered in my heart and gotten to experience me…..but left.
Always wondering why I wasn’t enough?
In all of my many walks of life and any spaces that I occupied, I felt like I was never enough. I always felt like the people around me wanted more than I could offer. I always felt like there was more that I could be doing. More that I should be saying. More that I should be giving. More that I should be. More than I am….or that my presence/persona/being was too much.
That feeling of Not Being Enough sat on my heart- always, all ways.
Then one day, I received a text message from one of the most ENOUGH women I know that read: “….I just don’t understand why I’m not enough…”
Hearing another woman who you look up to, for advice and wisdom, question herself because of what a man/the world/anything has put her through….does something intense to you.
It forced me to straighten up. It forced me to get my shit together. It forced me to muster up every ounce of confidence that was in me to utter to myself and then to her: YOU ARE ENOUGH.
From then on, I vowed to do the work to get me to where I needed to be.
A few of the steps that I took to get to where I am now are:
- changing my screen saver. As a training psychologist, I know that there is science behind priming. So I changed my screen saver to a picture of myself that I thought captured my beauty & said “You ARE Enough!” I look at my phone 3 million times a day, and just by doing that, the message is subconsciously etched in my mind.
- daily affirmations: My personal affirmation that I used was “You are beautiful, you are strong, you are enough.” If you say something enough, you will eventually believe it.
- journaling: I had to write down all of the times that I was feeling inadequate or like I was too much and how that made me feel. I had to write it out. Being able to visualize my thoughts helped me to actually SEE that what I was thinking was bogus. Your thoughts play such a large part in the way you feel and behave. So write it out!
*keep in mind that this is not an exhaustive list – just a few things that helped*
At about 4:30 in the morning (prime writing time) a few months ago, I had a message on my spirit. It’s my parting message for y’all:
“YOU ARE ENOUGH!!
(But you’ll never be enough for someone/some situation/something
you’re not meant for.
To them, you’ll always be too much, or too little.)
Exercise your right to be enough. To you. For you.“