This week, in my Social Well-Being class, we learned about gratitude and forgiveness. During the lecture, I thought a lot about how I expressed gratitude in my relationships and how it came so naturally to me to be thankful for the people in my life. However, I had a slightly more difficult time coming to terms with the idea of full-blown forgiveness.
One of my classmates (and I guess friends…Are we friends? Lol let me know, if you read this.) suggested that I should write about forgiveness this week. A bunch of different ideas came to my mind, but most importantly, how I came to terms with forgiving someone I didn’t realize I needed to “forgive” sat on my mind the longest.
The last time I gave my love, it was thrown back in my face.
I thought I was the problem…I thought my love was broken, I thought I wasn’t giving it my all.
It took me YEARS to realize that I was not the problem. (Okay, realistically I was because I was way too young to be “dating”, way too young to be “in love,” just way too young) but besides my age, the problem was that I was giving my love to a person that did not know how to receive love. To a person that was broken, that I was trying to fix.
(Sidenote: this isn’t to bash him. Or to say that I hate him. But I am saying that you will never be right for the person that is not for you.)
I realized that there were large parts of myself that I gave up to be able to stay by his side. And it wasn’t his fault, it was mine. For being so willing to give of myself when my cup was empty. For being so willing to give up the things that I wanted to do, to please him.
“It’s true when they say forgiving is not always for the person that hurt you. In many cases forgiveness is for your own peace of mind.” And that’s why the person I didn’t know I needed to forgive was:
I have finally forgiven myself for allowing another person make me feel so low, so empty, and so broken. I had to forgive myself for thinking that I was the problem. Forgive myself for all of the maladaptive thoughts that I allowed to run through my mind. Forgiving myself gave me my peace of mind back.
And ultimately, I am happier for it. I’m learning to build a relationship with myself that cannot be tainted by anyone else. I am pouring into my own cup to be able to more effectively give of myself in the future. & it feels so good. 🌸✨
Comment and let me know about a time that forgiving someone gave you peace of mind!