I’ll start by giving y’all the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you just aren’t ready for a girlfriend. Maybe the time is really wrong and life keeps throwing you curveballs.
How then does it seem like every time I hear it, it sounds like a disclaimer?
WARNING: I’M NOT READY FOR A GIRLFRIEND…..BUT I STILL WANT YOU. SO IF YOUR FEELINGS GET HURT AND YOU GET TOO INVOLVED OR CAUGHT UP.. I TOLD YOU. YOU WERE WARNED!
I don’t think guys understand what this feels like….
It feels like “hey, I want to get to know you. Body, yes. Mind, possibly. I might even touch the depths of your soul…but nah, I don’t really want you.”
And it feels like “hey, you’re cute. And I want to talk to you, feel you, be with you for a brief moment..but I don’t care to actually know you.”
And it also feels like “hey, I’m not ready for you. But I want you. So I need you to just be prepared for me to not give me to you.”
Time and time again while trying to navigate through my love life, I’ve heard “I’m not ready for a girlfriend tho…….” making me wonder whether or not I was “girlfriend material.”
Was I not cut from the right cloth? Too dark of a swatch? Too thick of a piece of fabric? Too many designs that added too much sass to the finished product? Just not his style?
Always wondering why I wasn’t enough to be someone’s girlfriend….
It’s draining. Always thinking about if it’s you, or if you’re enough. Sleepless nights worrying about if you’ll ever attain one of your lifelong dreams. Just always feeling inadequate.
Knowing that God may have it in His plan for you, but unsure of if it will actually come to fruition. Just like many other young women my age: knowing that you’re the relationship type….but stuck in the runarounds of the hook-up culture that this generation seems to gravitate towards these days.
Within the framework of the hookup culture, no one really wins. So I’m learning that I can’t manage to take part in it. I can’t accept that as my fate. I’m learning to take the “I’m not ready for a girlfriend” as a “he doesn’t deserve you sis!” & Finally coming into understanding that what is for you, is for you. So if it is in the plan, it will manifest. (& sis, you just have to stop picking f***boys! 🙃)