Fro, Fresh Face, and Flaws.

It took some time for me to love you.
I had to learn how.
It didn’t come easy…..
I hated you.
I felt unpretty, I felt unkempt.
I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt like you didn’t belong.
It didn’t work for me and I hated you.
I hated you with every fiber of my being.
It took some time for me to love you.
It took Trial. Error. Error. Trial.
And then I stopped.
Stopped focusing on you. Stopped focusing on us. Stopped focusing on me. Stopped focusing on the bigger picture.
But then I stopped caring about what they would think. I stopped worrying.
I decided to love you and take you one day at a time. I decided to give you a chance.
I decided me. I decided that I was enough.

I felt ugly wearing my natural hair. I got my first relaxer at about 7, so straight hair is really all I’ve ever known. After that, it was always box braids, twists, and weaves.

I never gave myself enough time to love my hair. Between styles, I would see my natural hair for less than 24 hours and it was right back into another “protective style.”

But what was I protecting? Was I protecting my natural tresses…? Or was it my self-deprecating perception of myself that I was protecting? Was I trying to keep my hair safe, or was I trying to keep my real feelings about myself under lock and key?

It took me a while y’all. And I can’t even say that I am completely in love with my Type 4 to this day. But I am learning. I am experimenting. I am making the effort to love my natural self. And to be completely honest, that’s all that matters.

-Princess J.

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